How to solve Lost in 10 steps!
February 27, 2010 by Donald Mikhail and Charlotte
Filed under Most Recent, Podcast news
1) If a black person appears on L O S T he must be Walt. Never mind the age or appearance because time travel solves that.
2) If anyone appears on Lost and he or she looks like a new character then we must study his hair colour, if he is blonde then he is Aaron if he has brown hair he is Kate. Never mind genders or age because time travel solves that. If anyone plays any kind of instrument then that means he is the one who programmed the looking glass, never mind age because time travel solves that.
3) If a person wears a Black shirt they are the devil, if they wear a white shirt they are God. If the white shirt has a stain on it, they are infected.
4) If we are shown a scene with numbers or letters in, then save that screenshot and analyze it for six days because it will give you the clue to figure out Lost.
5) If you see any Egyptian artifact be it a statue or a glyph then that means the entire show is about Egyptian Gods fighting for the Island.
6) If you like a character, say for instance Desmond then that means anytime on the show anyone says “him” or “he” is coming it will be Desmond.
7) If any number appears on the show ever, it is a clue. Let’s say for instance you see the number 4 then that will be be the final scene of Lost so you must study that scene for hours and post screenshots everywhere.
8 ) Remember this: The writers had it all planned from the very first meeting! Even though Carlton wasn’t brought on until later it was still planned from the very first meeting! No matter what this will be true and if you study the pilot for 50 hours straight you will see the final scene of Lost. Obviously this was the writers intention.
9) Everything is a loop! Remember this! remember this always! The show will end just how it began this is true this is always true, everyone is stuck is a loop.
10) Rose and Bernard are Adam and eve, why? Because one is black and one is white, this is true! It is obvious because they said they want to be together in season 5 so this obviously means they died in a cave 50 years ago.
Donald, you are a hoot and a half!!! These steps are hilarious! I took Season 5 pretty seriously. But in Season 6, I am pretty much just trying to be entertained, and my life won’t end if LOST doesn’t solve all of the mysteries of the universe.
Donald, are these considered spoilers? If they are I won’t be able to watch the remainder of the episodes. Thanks a lot brutha. (lol)
LOL great stuff, Donald! Some things to add:
-whenever a new female character shows up, it is Annie, Ben’s childhood friend.
-You forgot to incorporate the term “mobius strip.”
-…and if they wear a RED shirt, it means they are going to die.
-”Whatever Happened, Happened” is true, because it’s the title of an episode, and episode titles are always true.
-”Dead is Dead” is true, becaust it’s the title of an episode, and episode titles are always true.
PS – Go on, admit it… YOU’RE WALT!!! Time travel solves that.
11. Nothing is real. It’s all made up in Vincent’s head.
Sgtdraino : What do you means? This isn’t Walt’s fan site?
thats hilarious. theres so many others you could add. most of them all border on Soap Opera level mechanisms too or depend on ultra-fantastic ideas (“who is the mom!?” who cares?).
heres how i view the show: like a comic book series or graphic novel. anyone who is familiar with the more current series of Y: The Last Man (Brian K. Vaughn – who now writes on the show) or what Damon was writing before he got onto the show with Hulk vs. Wolverine – you’d see so many similarities to the writing formula. in fact, you could probably take screen caps of the show and add bubbles of dialog and it would turn out being a pretty decent storyboard or comic.
another story they like is the Watchmen. anyone who actually read it before the movie came out knows how well it was written. translated to motion picture, it fell flat (part of the reason is because the graphic novel develops the characters of the Watchmen way more with additional epilogue content for each character). im wondering if some of Lost’s character drama is falling short on the same level. ill admit it, im not really “tied” to any character. do i really care what happens to them in either timeline? not really. im more interested in seeing the climax. would i care if Kate becomes a heroine at this point? not with the way they developed her.
the dialog is also very comic-esque throughout the show, which makes it very frustrating for people. its vague, ambiguous, etc… so it keeps the Wizard’s curtain closed.
along with this, lately theres been a lot of criticism to the show. which is fine. we’re the ones spending our time watching it for 6 years. art is suppose to be critiqued. it goes both ways. the artist can make what they want and the viewer can perceive and experience it how they want. thats the trade off if the artist wants an audience. its not some given “Swallow everything we serve you and like it” relationship, even though some fans seem to think it is.
so, what does that tell us about the show? well, for one, its gotten to be a little annoying at this point that they keep running through gimmick after gimmick to pace the story and keep things “hidden”. some people call that genius, but based on their tactic of lacking intelligent dialog… i wouldnt say its exactly genius. especially at this point in the game. its time to step it up.
personally, im only partially impressed with this season. I thought after waiting this long they’d put the pedal to the metal. not necessarily with answers, but with the urgency and seriousness of the story. where the stakes would have been raised to a very real sense of tension. something good movies do where it becomes more believable than silly. the premiere had a really solid feeling and im sure the finale will too but most of the rest, outside of The Substitute, were just kind of the typical Made for TV formula. contrive some objectives, let the objectives develop regardless (like letting Kate and Jin leave), direct the players to specific points and blah blah blah Jack smashes some mirrors.
even if the “X” story has meaning, im not going to look back on it fondly to this point. the stories just arent that profound.
im to the point where theorizing for hidden or ultimate meanings, as much fun as its been (and listening to HOURS of podcasts), has become a mad scramble through a 100 mile high haystack. i think ill just sit back and let the writers and producers clear it for me.
12. Anyone seen playing a musical instrument, must have programmed the code for the Looking Glass Station 40 years ago.
You forgot the most important one.
If you host a podcast or a blog then you are naturally smarter and more in-tune with the show than the average fan. You can decide what is a valid theory and what is just the illogical ravings of a simple fan. While the rest of us were left wondering what could be shaking the trees and making noises in the pilot episode you were able to sit back and smirk, laughing quietly to yourself and thinking: “It is obviously a smoke monster.”
LOL! And you call ME snarky! You forgot: Unless you are Kate, Jack or Sawyer, SEX = Death.
Plus – unless you are Kate Jack or Sawyer- you will never get ‘shipper’ club on the web because you mean nothing to the end game of LOST… if you have blue eyes you must be related to Juliet (I was even guilty of that this week!)
I think the theories built around the time-travel theme of last season are assuming that the time travel was more than just a gimmick. As it stands now, it was a diversion that ultimately went nowhere and revealed pretty much nothing, other than the stuff we already knew. This show is based upon “coincidental” connections between the characters. If Aaron isn’t Jacob, or important in some other jaw-dropping way, the amount of time spent on him isn’t justified. If Jacob is just a god-angel-demon-etc who magically pulled these people to the island, fine, but is that story worth 6 seasons of dragging it out? Look at last season – Jeremy Bentham turned out to be Locke and Le’Fluer turned out to be Sawyer. If a character has another name and is revealed somehow to be a character we are already familiar with – that’s par for the course. It’s no more cheesy than the smoke monster being a changeling that conveniently tidies up all the visions, dreams and hallucinations the island inhabitants have experienced up until now. If Jacob is just some random guy, okay, but a lame reveal. It could be something they literally made up for the season 5 finale to bail themselves out. It’s mediocre storytelling. I’d like to say I have faith in the writers, but the first 5 hours of the season have been pretty under-whelming.
So to sum up: Aaron = Jacob: no cheesier ot ridiculous than anything else in this show.